Apologies

Hello!

I realise that I have not blogged in while. A major problem which I find myself having is a lack of stick-ability with blogs and such, hence why it has been a while. However I feel that after taking such a long break, it's definitely time to start blogging again.

Blogging is easily a really good way for me to clear my head about various thoughts which plague my brain and starting to write again has really helped me see that.

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The Relationship Complex

So, you hang out a lot, share a few snogs and call and text eachother often (ending in 'x's.), but you're not going out. At least not officially...  

Let's face it, it's happened to you, to me and to the woman who you always see at the station.   The worst thing about this situation is that we often blame ourselves for absolutely no reason. It's not our fault that he refuses to commit and it's not like you can ask him where you stand without being scared to sound clingy.The thing is, boys are often oblivious to anything related to feelings and relationships, so when it comes to you feeling that you're in relationship limbo, he's probably too busy playing COD to even notice that something is up.

But the thing is, you can't ask him where you stand with him, because you have no idea where he stands with you. Sure, he may be a great laugh and potentially a good kisser, but can you see yourself in a relationship with him? Or maybe you're head over heels for him, but don't have a clue whether he feels the same way. As confused as you may be, chances are, he is just as confused as you are, but he doesn't know how to handle the situation either- which is a problem, because if neither of you are willing to ask the "what are we doing?" question, then you'll just be going around in circles.

So what do you do? Do you take the plunge and ask, or sit around and wait for him to make it obvious?
Most boys will tell you that boys are different to girls because they're more blunt and 'straight to the point' about things. Except... they're not. They're just as scared of being rejected as we are, because even though they might not show it sometimes, they have feelings too. To be honest, he's probably more scared of asking 'that' question than you are, because he's got his entire 'macho' rep at risk and is too scared to bruise his ego to do so. And girls? Well, we can't ask the question, because it's not what 'girls do'. I'm not one to go off on a feminist-blame society-bloody patriarchy-rant, however, we'd all be lying to ourselves if we said that certain gender stereotypes like 'girls can't ask boys out' or 'girls can't ask certain things without sounding clingy' don't exist. They do and they're ridiculous. It shouldn't be seen as clingy or silly for a girl to ask a boy where she stands, to be honest, it should be seen as brave and sound alarm bells in a boys head saying "Ask her out, cos she's ready to move on!". 

Sitting around and waiting for someone else to ask a question which you also have in mind will make no-one any wiser. So forget being scared, forget your ego and forget that for one second you will be open to rejection! Just go for it!

Seriously, what's the worst that could happen?

C'est La Vie

"I wish I hadn't done that..."

Let's face it, we've all said that at some point in our lives. Regardless of the reason, cause and event, we've all done things that we regret doing.

The thing is, what's done is done and unless we get so worked up about it that we decide to investigate Einstein's theories and build a time machine, we can't undo what we did. Instead, we can look back on it, ask ourselves, "WTF was I thinking?!"and apologise for any collateral damage.

What's more, we gain absolutely nothing by sitting around with our head in our hands and beating ourselves up about it. Now, obviously some things are going to be harder to move on from than others, however try and remember why you did why you did. Let's not lie... it seemed like a good idea at the time and when something seems like it will be fun, we don't think about consequences until it's happening or 5 seconds later, but it is only when we have that wonderful thing called hindsight that we are able to shake our heads and call ourselves silly.
Now i'm not saying that a few laughs and a short good time is worth a long regret period, but it isn't so bad to comfort yourself with the idea that it made you smile, even for a fraction of a second and that is one thing that you should never regret- being happy.

Now if something has been done to you...

Well, I've never been one to hold a grudge, not just because I lack the will, but also because I don't understand the point of being angry over something I can do nothing about. Sure I'll get a bit frustrated, hey- I'm only human, nonetheless I always feel that by accepting that what's done is done, I gain closure for myself and feel as if I've grown a fair bit as a person for doing so.

Now, I totally understand that in some situations it can be pretty hard to forgive and forget, but ask yourself, 'what am I gaining from being angry?'
The answer is nothing. Chances are, that whilst you're consumed with anger and bitterness, the person who caused it is happily floating around and living their life as if nothing has happened and to be honest, that's not fair on you.
At the end of the day, I say sod it!
Don't focus your time and energy on someone who did you wrong and instead embrace all the people that haven't. Life goes on and it's too short to consumed by petty situations which will be irrelevant to your life in a few months time and as hard as it may be to admit...
Hannah Montana got it pretty spot on when she sang:

"Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days..."

Help a Book Help You?

Self-help books.

I assume that they are the flat-packed, D.I.Y, Ikea versions of emotional guidance. Having never read one myself, I am in no position to give any judgement whatsoever as to whether or not they work.

Nevertheless, I can't help but wonder whether or not they actually work. Surely the better option would be to talk to someone about the problem/issue instead?

No, I'm not talking about a professional doctor here. I'm talking about a professional friend. Is it not in the unwritten job description of being a friend to listen and guide a friend in need through their problems? Even Dizzy Rascal said "A friend in need is a friend indeed..." (Maybe in another context, but still, you get the jist!)

Have self-help books, pod-casts and agony aunts become the new emotional cushion we turn to, because everyone else is too busy being wrapped up in their own lives?

British culture has generally always had a great talent for keeping a stiff upper lip and putting on a brave face, however, that's led us nowhere great. We have one of the highest depression rates in the world and I think that it has something to do with the fact that so many of us chose to keep schtum about the things that trouble us.
Personally, I can admit that I am far from good at trusting people and opening up, often opting to let it build up slowly and eventually let it out by either going for a long, intense jog, or simply by having a good cry.

To be honest, it's not that I feel that I can't trust my friends, it's just that I've gotten so used to keeping it all locked in, that opening up would make me feel as If I've entrusted the key of my Pandora's box to a person that could potentially do nothing good with it, leaving me feeling slightly vulnerable and exposed.

This REALLY shouldn't be the case!

Whenever we do have a problem, we should be able to feel as if we can open up and to someone about it, instead of being engulfed by countless doubts and trust issues. Not only that, but as friends, we should always make time for people we care about, so that they can have a release.

I've personally told most of my friends that I'd be more than happy to be there for them 24/7 and promised to not judge and keep whatever they say to myself. I don't see this as doing someone a favour, but as to doing what a friend is meant to do- Listen.

We shouldn't have to turn to self-help guides and whatever else there is, because they will never know you like your friends do, or be able to give you the advice that is most suited for you, because they can't understand you like your true friends can.

Never forget:

"A problem shared is a problem halved."

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this blog post, grab your phone, dial your closest friend's number and tell them how you feel ;)

I'll be your friend! (Until You're not around...)

Friends.

We confide in them, make jokes with them, laugh with them, cry with them... Backstab them?

No?

Are you sure?

It's a shame, I find, that the seemingly closest friendships are standing on a very narrow rope bridge, stretching over rocky rapids in the middle of a wind storm. The worst part is that instead of these girls working it out quietly between each other, the exact opposite happens. The moment someone is around to offer an ear, it all comes out. All the things that this person does that annoy you, all the hypocritical things that they say and in the worst of cases, all of the things that they told you in confidence.

To me, friendship should stretch beyond all the arguments; it shouldn't matter how big, small, serious, or petty they are. If after it still doesn't work, there is no reason for someone to go around telling anyone willing to lend an ear, all of the things that your once-friend told you in confidence.

Too often, people forget all the good things that they went through with a person, because they are too busy being consumed by the anger and hurt that comes with the end of a friendship. I've promised myself that no matter what may happen between me and someone else, I will never spread their business, because it's something that I think is really spiteful and low.

Instead of focusing so much time and energy slagging someone off, people should try and remember why they were once so close to that person, that they felt they could tell you something like that.

The same rings true for relationships. They can often turn really nasty after a break-up with the whole, "he's got a small..." and "she let me..." rumour mills spinning around. Do break-up suddenly make everyone forget that they once really liked (or loved) this person? If that's the case, I'm pretty scared of being in a relationship. I really like the idea of remaining friends with my exs, just because I don't see why we shouldn't be.

Break-ups, whether they're between friends or partners, really shouldn't be the beginning of a never-ending battle between two people who used to like each other enough to be together as much as you are with close friends and partners. It should be a mutual understanding and truce that things didn't work out and that the time to call it a day has come. Don't be the one to throw the first punch, because it's YOU who will look bad and don't stoop low enough to retaliate, otherwise no one will ever be able to trust you and it's not you who deserves to not be trusted.

The Impact Letters Can Have...

With A-Level results fresh out of their envelopes and GCSE a sunrise away, there is a huge number of young people who are currently bricking it. To be honest, who can blame us?

From a ridiculously young age, we are made to believe that a bunch of letters lined neatly down a page will dictate the rest of our lives.

I'm guilty of being a believer of the above and probably always will be, but that's how I am. I always have to have something to stress about, nonetheless, it's a horrible thought to realise that when it comes to the crunch...you're going to be judged based on what you did in an hour and a half of one day of your life.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that exams should be ended or that this is wrong; I hold the generally functionalist perception that you need exams, so that the cream rises to the top, however it really sucks if on an exam day, the cream is feeling a bit curdled. If you do badly...that's you gone.

Exams do need to be taken seriously, because they count for a lot, but not for EVERYTHING. Look at Sir/Lord Alan Sugar and Richard Branson....they never finished higher education, yet they are both millionaires!

Unfortunately, that was luck. Not everyone that drops out has the fortune to start a multi-million pound company and be set for life. A lot of millionaires are just reaping the fruits of their own hard work and effort, rather than thanking the person who drew their numbers in the raffle of life.

There will always become points where you'll just feel like slamming a book shut and sticking it through a shredder and when you do feel like that, take a break. Just don't give up, because you don't get to that point without having put a considerable amount of effort into your work. It happens when you've worked so hard for so long, that your brain has begun to scream, "I can't take it any more!".

There will be times when you ask yourself what it's all for and when that time comes, look to someone who inspires you. For me, it's watching MPs on BBC Parliament, looking at Barristers and Mr. and Mrs. Obama, because none of them would be where they are today if they hadn't stuck it through the hardships and jumped over the hurdles that come with tremendous effort. I also have an extremely supportive friend who I have labelled my mentor, because she brings it all closer to home. She's hard working, focused, determined and celebrating being accepted at an amazing Uni to do a course she's always wanted to do.

If it's no one in particular that inspires you, then look towards things that you want to achieve. As sad as it is, I spend ridiculous amounts of time flicking through the Oxford website and University League Tables, telling myself that if I work hard enough, I'll be there one day. After that, the rest does itself. .

With the right inspiration and motivation, the dedication just comes naturally.

Hard work will never cease to pay off and you will always be rewarded, so even if you don't get the grades you needed to follow a certain path, don't be put off!

Carry on working hard, because everything does happen for a reason and I promise that you will find something better suited for you, that you will love just as much.

For now, all I can say is GOOD LUCK!!

More Lists...

Someone said that they really liked my lists and wanted me to post the rest of the ones I'd written that day on here. So err..here goes!

Things that make me smile:

1. Random people who smile at me.
2. Charlie McDonnell.
3. Old people who walk around humming to themselves.
4. Free stuff.
5. Japanese tourists taking pictures of cracks in the road. (WOW!! How exciting!!)
6. Boys who walk with their trousers halfway down their legs and with a limp, in order to look 'bad'.
7. Thinking about that guy I like.
8. The confused and fascinated looks that babies have on their faces after they sneeze.
9. When people follow me on Twitter. @DreaWintour *HINT*
10. David Cameron's lack of lips.
11. Charlie McDonnell.
12. Compliments

Things that piss me off:

1. FOBs adding me on Facebook and asking me to arrange a Visa for them.

2. People who lie for no reason.

3. When you open a pack of starburst and there are barely any red ones.

4. Pouring myself a bowl of cereal, then realising there's no milk.

5. The Go Compare adverts. (I will destroy that company one day)

6. The Coalition Government

7. Being pissed off.

8. People who smell on a Monday morning.

9.Boris Johnson's hair.

10. Boris Johnson's voice

11. Boris Johnson's face

12. Boris Johnson's laugh

13. Boris Johnson.

More will come soon...