The Relationship Complex

So, you hang out a lot, share a few snogs and call and text eachother often (ending in 'x's.), but you're not going out. At least not officially...  

Let's face it, it's happened to you, to me and to the woman who you always see at the station.   The worst thing about this situation is that we often blame ourselves for absolutely no reason. It's not our fault that he refuses to commit and it's not like you can ask him where you stand without being scared to sound clingy.The thing is, boys are often oblivious to anything related to feelings and relationships, so when it comes to you feeling that you're in relationship limbo, he's probably too busy playing COD to even notice that something is up.

But the thing is, you can't ask him where you stand with him, because you have no idea where he stands with you. Sure, he may be a great laugh and potentially a good kisser, but can you see yourself in a relationship with him? Or maybe you're head over heels for him, but don't have a clue whether he feels the same way. As confused as you may be, chances are, he is just as confused as you are, but he doesn't know how to handle the situation either- which is a problem, because if neither of you are willing to ask the "what are we doing?" question, then you'll just be going around in circles.

So what do you do? Do you take the plunge and ask, or sit around and wait for him to make it obvious?
Most boys will tell you that boys are different to girls because they're more blunt and 'straight to the point' about things. Except... they're not. They're just as scared of being rejected as we are, because even though they might not show it sometimes, they have feelings too. To be honest, he's probably more scared of asking 'that' question than you are, because he's got his entire 'macho' rep at risk and is too scared to bruise his ego to do so. And girls? Well, we can't ask the question, because it's not what 'girls do'. I'm not one to go off on a feminist-blame society-bloody patriarchy-rant, however, we'd all be lying to ourselves if we said that certain gender stereotypes like 'girls can't ask boys out' or 'girls can't ask certain things without sounding clingy' don't exist. They do and they're ridiculous. It shouldn't be seen as clingy or silly for a girl to ask a boy where she stands, to be honest, it should be seen as brave and sound alarm bells in a boys head saying "Ask her out, cos she's ready to move on!". 

Sitting around and waiting for someone else to ask a question which you also have in mind will make no-one any wiser. So forget being scared, forget your ego and forget that for one second you will be open to rejection! Just go for it!

Seriously, what's the worst that could happen?

C'est La Vie

"I wish I hadn't done that..."

Let's face it, we've all said that at some point in our lives. Regardless of the reason, cause and event, we've all done things that we regret doing.

The thing is, what's done is done and unless we get so worked up about it that we decide to investigate Einstein's theories and build a time machine, we can't undo what we did. Instead, we can look back on it, ask ourselves, "WTF was I thinking?!"and apologise for any collateral damage.

What's more, we gain absolutely nothing by sitting around with our head in our hands and beating ourselves up about it. Now, obviously some things are going to be harder to move on from than others, however try and remember why you did why you did. Let's not lie... it seemed like a good idea at the time and when something seems like it will be fun, we don't think about consequences until it's happening or 5 seconds later, but it is only when we have that wonderful thing called hindsight that we are able to shake our heads and call ourselves silly.
Now i'm not saying that a few laughs and a short good time is worth a long regret period, but it isn't so bad to comfort yourself with the idea that it made you smile, even for a fraction of a second and that is one thing that you should never regret- being happy.

Now if something has been done to you...

Well, I've never been one to hold a grudge, not just because I lack the will, but also because I don't understand the point of being angry over something I can do nothing about. Sure I'll get a bit frustrated, hey- I'm only human, nonetheless I always feel that by accepting that what's done is done, I gain closure for myself and feel as if I've grown a fair bit as a person for doing so.

Now, I totally understand that in some situations it can be pretty hard to forgive and forget, but ask yourself, 'what am I gaining from being angry?'
The answer is nothing. Chances are, that whilst you're consumed with anger and bitterness, the person who caused it is happily floating around and living their life as if nothing has happened and to be honest, that's not fair on you.
At the end of the day, I say sod it!
Don't focus your time and energy on someone who did you wrong and instead embrace all the people that haven't. Life goes on and it's too short to consumed by petty situations which will be irrelevant to your life in a few months time and as hard as it may be to admit...
Hannah Montana got it pretty spot on when she sang:

"Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days..."